Tomeka's Mountain
“I will go before thee, and make the rough places smooth; I will break in pieces the doors of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron;” Isaiah 45:2 ASV
The Mountain
We thought we had done everything right. We waited until marriage, we both felt we were in good places in our careers to start a family and we had “great” insurance. We sought prenatal care very early and followed all the instructions given to us by our providers. Yet on May 14, 2018 after being rushed to the ER after passing out at home, we were told “Your son died in utero”. Those words still sting almost four years later. We weren’t given a lot of time to process this news before we were stabbed again. I was sick. HELLP (Hemolysis, Elevated Liver Enzymes, Low Platelet Count) Syndrome they said. We’re going to have to induce you but we have to transfer you to another hospital. I asked for a c-section, the thought of going through labor and giving birth to a lifeless Jace would have been more than I could handle. They refused. So, we waited, it took over three hours for transport to arrive. As I was finally in transit a CT scan revealed I was bleeding internally. I would need emergency surgery and there were no guarantees that I would survive. I almost didn’t. The rest of that night is a blur to me but Brandon can describe in detail exactly how the night played out. A softball sized blood clot on my liver and a liter of blood in my abdomen. They were shocked that I was still alive. “We did everything we could, IF she wakes up, it probably won’t be until Thursday”, it was Monday night. I am a miracle. I would have an extended 45 day stay in the hospital, with a total of 7 surgeries and a countless number of other procedures. We would miss Jace’s funeral due to an infection in my liver. It took over a year for the incision in my abdomen to heal. The rest we take one day at a time.
The Message
I have learned so many lessons during this season of my life. One of the most important things is that we weren’t ready for this to happen but God made sure we were prepared.
Isaiah 45:2 ASV I will go before thee, and make the rough places smooth; I will break in pieces the doors of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron;
There were so many things that happened before, during and after this experience that assures me that God was there through it all placing rocks in our path to grab onto in order to keep climbing. God made sure we were not alone, we had what and who we needed when we needed them and the decisions we were making, unbeknownst to us at the time, were all a part of our climb.
If Brandon hadn’t taken a new job just weeks prior to all of this. It would have taken him over 2 hours to get to the hospital that day. Rock.
If my best friend wasn’t able to work from home she wouldn’t have been there when I passed out to call the ambulance, be at the hospital every day while I recovered, or take me to all of my follow-up appointments. Rock.
If I had not arrived at the ER at the time I did, Dr. Rachel McCabe would not have been on duty to identify the blood in my abdomen on the CT scan or assemble a surgical team to save my life. Rock.
If my mother wasn’t self-employed, she wouldn’t have been able to be away for the 2 months she was here to help take care of me. Rock
If my manager at work hadn’t told me “Don’t worry about work, you just get better” I wouldn’t have been able to recover stress free. Rock
If I had not decided to select long term disability as an insurance option for the first time in my career, I would not have been paid for three of the six months I was out of work. Rock
If our family and friends were not there to visit, take turns bringing us food, give me baths, encourage us to get counseling, make funeral arrangements, and manage Jace’s service in our absence, I don’t know where we would be or what we would have done. Rock
Though we don’t know when we will run into a mountain, I think God always prepares us with the right tools to get over it. If you are being faced with a mountain or just coming down on the other side, take a step back and look for the rocks. They may be far apart but I guarantee you they are there.
Tomeka and her husband Brandon have created a nonprofit in honor of Jace, "Jace's Journey." The organization's goal is to eliminate the disparities in maternal/infant health through education, advocacy and community engagement. Click below for more information:
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