Nakita's Mountain

“ For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11

Mountain

I love the Christmas season and have always loved fully participating in all of the holiday festivities. The Christmas holidays are now split with my ex-husband which means, some years, I don’t spend Christmas day with my two quickly growing sons (ages 9 & 15). This past season as I scrolled through my social media, I remembered seeing all the images of Christmas that were centered around love, family, and togetherness. Christmas cards filled my mailbox with the holiday pajama pictures that were a part of many families’ traditions. The planned family events that included the family holiday parties that were intended for the traditional family of the dad, mom, and children. I specifically remembered the spirit of comparison and the feeling of “missing something.” In general, I believe the feeling of missing something has fueled my drive to overcompensate to fill this void.

If I am honest, I struggle with how society has defined family and the reality of what my family has come to be. The idea that all happy families must have two parents that live in the home with 2.5 kids and if not; something is wrong with you, your kids or your family as a whole. The societal idea that we were not “complete” was a source of concern for me. I felt the desire to prove that my family was “normal” despite anyone saying or thinking that it wasn't. I can be an overachiever and I strive to create that spirit of excellence in my young men as well.

During a conversation with my friend where I shared my feelings, she asked if I was behaving like my family was “missing something," what was that signaling to my children? If I felt incomplete because we didn’t have Christmas cards, social media pictures reflecting what others believed to be the “perfect family,” or a list of various Christmas events to attend, what did they feel like?

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Message

I took my friend's question to heart, attempted to drop the comparison spirit, picked up the spirit of renewal referenced in Isaiah 43:19, and began to think about ways in which I could establish a new mindset and redefine what “togetherness during the Christmas holiday” means for my family. This year, we completed activities such as a gingerbread house competition, played board games, watched our favorite annual Christmas movie and enjoyed laughs by the fireplace with cookies and flavored hot chocolate. The boys and I had so much fun making memories that will last a lifetime. As I was able to see the love that surrounded my family, I realized I was so busy looking for what was not there instead of sitting back to enjoy what and who God placed in my life.

This was a pivotal moment for me because I realized what I “thought” my boys and I were “lacking” was not true and could not be fulfilled by me overcompensating. We have been blessed and protected through it all. I know by society's definition, I am a single woman raising two boys, but I do not solely do it alone. GOD has provided in so many ways. Everyday is not easy, sometimes I wish I had an extra hand in the house to help with baths, dinners, practices and even discipline . The fatigue that comes from being the custodial parent is very REAL. By God’s grace, I have an amazing extended family that goes above and beyond for my children and I. My parents, sister, aunts, cousins and close friends are my support system in so many ways from watching the boys, transportation to practices and school, preparing meals, homework assistance, providing strong male role models and even just allowing me to have time to myself is a huge blessing. My children are able to really grow up seeing that many people love and care about them. Even though this is not how I envisioned raising my children, my prayer is that they not only see the importance of a nuclear family, but an extended family too. I also pray, in return, they are a blessing to other family members the way we have been blessed.

There will always be a time when the spirit of comparison will feel real to me, but I must remember that God has a plan for me. As Jeremiah 29:11 reflects, His plans for my life, while not my plans, have never harmed me. These plans are not only for me, but also for my family...my boys. It is through God's plans where my foundation of hope for the future remains. God has provided so much and gave me the best gift I could have ever asked for which was a restored love for this holiday season (and seasons to come) and a reminder of the TRUE meaning of family and His undeniable love.