Friends be Friending: Is "friend" a noun or a verb?

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” (Matthew 7:12)

Real MOMent

You might be familiar with the popular phrase “life be lifing” which takes the noun “life” and makes it into a verb form of the word, which applies action about the noun without using a different word (English teachers out there will call this “verbing” or “denominalization”). If life be lifing, can friends be friending? — Can one be a friend without being a friend? STAY WITH ME HERE: If we consider someone a "bad" friend, can we truly call them a friend? If I am a friend to someone does that title automatically reciprocated back to them? Can a strong desire for wanting someone to be your friend have any bearing on whether they are a good friend? Is being a friend natural or something that must be taught?

For my birthday this year, I hit a milestone. Can we say 40 is the new... same 40? :)

In thinking about how I wanted to commemorate this year’s birthday, I realized it had been years since I celebrated with some of my friends. So that's what I did, took a few pictures, posted on my social media account, and added the caption "Having great friends is the real flex.” For all the readers over 40 years old (funny shade) the word "flex" used here is slang for reason to brag or important to have, and for me a real blessing from God.

Parents understand the importance of the word "friend" early on for their children. Leading up to the first day of school, the thought of wanting your child to make at least one friend in class, comes across the minds of many parents. There is a sense of comfort, once your child comes home confirming that connection made with another student, at least it is for me. My 40 years on Earth has taught me that not only the school year but, LIFE is easier with a friend.

While this year’s birthday surrounded me with many of the individuals who I call my friends, my son on the other hand was experiencing a particular scenario where I needed to help him understand what the word "friend" truly means. In doing so, I was reminded that for me NOW at the age of 40, the title friend (noun) isn't given before I have identified within that individual over a span of time, the action (verb) of being friend. We have all heard the saying before- you can't call everyone your friend. However, the measuring stick at a younger age is shorter, as a playmate for children can automatically be deemed as a best friend, bestie, or bff. For that reason, I have found it necessary to be intentional with my son about what a friend is, what a friend isn't, and most importantly how he could be a good one.

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MOMent of Clarity

The first few words of the familiar hymn “What a friend we have in Jesus?” were the key for me in defining what a true friend was for my child. Our Heavenly Father is the best example. He is the One who always shows up even when others do not. He is our confidant. The friend that knows us best and first. While these characteristics of the noun and the related actions (verb) that make God the BEST friend we can have, He is perfect, we (humans) are not. There it is! My first point about friends, they aren't perfect. Honestly, we do not want them to be, because we are not perfect ourselves. Our imperfections offer a sense of humility and open the door for understanding and forgiveness when needed for our friends.

For my second point about friends, I immediately thought about the friendship between Jonathan (Saul’s son) and David (1 Samuel 23: 16-18). Not only did Jonathon search for David when he was in need, he encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God. Jonathon even supported God’s will for David’s life to be the king of Israel and told him he was going to be next to him. Verse 18 truly shows that this bond was connected to God as it was renewed before Him. As an adult, I can unpack so many things about Jonathon's role in that friendship. Friends are there to support you, stand by you, encourage you, and the best ones remind you to keep going on the path that God has created for you.

My third and final point in the MOMent of clarity to share about friends with my son was simple and points to the Golden Rule in Matthew 7:12, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Those few words hold the biggest impact on how to be a friend and how our friends should model their actions towards us. While this Bible verse is not specific to only friends, it definitely applies to all strong friendships. Some things in life are not as complicated as adults can make them out to be. There doesn’t need to be a huge instruction book about how to be a friend. We all know what it feels like when someone is not treating us nice (kid version) or when we would want to be genuinely celebrated in good times and comforted in bad times (adult version).

Whether or not you agree with my conclusion, that the word “friend” is BOTH a noun and a verb (so YES, friends be friending) I believe if you have ever been blessed by God to meet at least one true friend whether on the playground back in the day or anywhere during your lifetime, we can agree that "Having great friends is the real flex.”

𝑷𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑮𝒐𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑹𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝑬𝑫, 𝑰𝑴𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑭𝑬𝑪𝑻 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑𝒔...

Friends that make mistakes.

Friends that do not always get it right.

Friends that deserve forgiveness.

Friends that are like brothers & sisters.

Friends that we have fought with.

Friends that have hurt our feelings.

Friends in which we have hurt their feelings.

In the recent blog post “Friends be friending: Is "friend" a noun or a verb?" the one lesson I wanted to explain to my son included friends are not perfect. While this PRAISE is for imperfect friendships, it forces us to highlight and have true gratitude in the one true perfect friend we can find in Jesus.

• Am I a friend or a Godly friend? What is the difference between the two based on the actions and interactions with my friends throughout life?

• Based on my friendships, would my friends believe that I “do unto them as I would have them do unto me?

• Is the “Golden Rule” enough? Should I just treat others how I want to be treated? OR Should I treat them as they want to be treated?

Adults:

• Watch "David and Jonathan - Heart of Friendship" and listen to the perspective on the four things that make a friendship great:

Younger Children:

• Watch - Jonathan Helps David (YouTube Videos) “What made David and Jonatho\an’s friendship so strong?”

Children (All ages): Review 1 Samuel 23: 13-29)

• Have a discussion with your child about their friends? Ask them if they identify qualities within their friendships that are similar to David and Jonathon.

• Discuss with your child why God is the perfect friend and share a time in which you have had to lean on His friendship.

​Dear God,

Thank you for being my friend. Thank You for being my voice of reason, my confidant, the keeper of my secrets, and the one who has been able to wipe my tears in the middle of night and bring joy in the morning. While I have not been the perfect friend to You, Your love and compassion has not wavered. Thank You for bringing individuals in my life that have been true friends. While some of my friendships have been for a season, thank You for bringing those individuals in my life for that time. Thank You for my friendships that have been restored and the new ones that have blossomed. Thank You for the friends that have prayed for me and encouraged me to walk in the path that You have created for my life. Please help me guide my children to be good friends. I pray that they recognize You to be the best friend in their life like You have been in mine. Please bless them with real friendships. Lastly, thank You for not letting me do life alone without people here to share laughs and smiles every once and a while.

In Your Son's name we pray,

AMEN