Deanna's Mountain

11 But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”12 And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.” Exodus 3:11-12

Mountain

For as long as I can remember, I have always strived to make my parents proud. Even though my parents have always told me how proud they are of me, I often felt like I wasn’t enough. I grew up in the church and The Bible was referenced by my mother almost daily. Growing up, I remember being told to abstain from sex before marriage, but I was never told why or how; When I learned that I was pregnant, out of wedlock, I felt ashamed and hid my pregnancy from my parents until I was six months pregnant. After many therapy sessions and self-reflection, I’ve learned that what terrified me was not disappointing my parents but the idea that I was not enough. I remember wondering, how can I parent a child as a single mother, if I’m still learning to love myself?

I've been a mother for seven years and even though God’s Word tells me that I am enough, sometimes (in certain situations) my insecurities flare up. I’ve been blessed to enroll my son in great schools, summer camps, and extracurricular activities but when my son is around his friends (many who come from affluent, two-parent homes), I find myself hiding my ring finger so that no one recognizes that I am a single parent. Sometimes, I worry that the lack of a male figure, in my son’s life, will have detrimental consequences as he gets older. Even at work, I avoid parenting conversations with certain coworkers because of the stigma surrounding Black women and single parent households. Sometimes, I wonder if I am enough to make my son feel loved and fulfilled. I constantly have to stop and remind myself that I am enough and that God is with me on my journey.

---

Message

Always remember that you are enough. These were the exact words that were shared with me by a Prophetess during a Friday night prayer gathering, a few years before my pregnancy. I was in my early twenties and at that time, I thought that this prophecy was confirming that I would get a job I wanted. Now, I understand that the prophecy was bigger than a 9-5 job, it was about my 24/7 job as a mother. I am enough.

One thing that has always been consistent is how God shows up for me. He has equipped me with everything that I need. Psalms 46:5 says that if “ God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.” This scripture reminds me to put my focus on God. Even if the plan doesn’t make sense, God’s plan will not fail. I am enough.

When God appeared to Moses in the burning bush and told him to go demand Pharaoh free his people, Moses asked God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” God affirmed Moses that he would be with him. Moses asked, “Well what will I say when Pharaoh asks who is this God?” God replies “I AM WHO I AM.” PERIOD. Like Moses, I often ask God, who am I to raise this child to be a man of God? But then I remember that the God of Moses, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob is the same God who is with me! I will not always be able to control when my insecurities flare up, but I can control Who I turn to; and since I know that God is with me, I know that I am enough.